Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
