I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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