I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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