I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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