dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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