What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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