i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
