He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize