I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm like, not good at living.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
