You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
