Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
