I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize