If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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