She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
