I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
