Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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