3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
