Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
