So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
