so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
