Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
