i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
