thus making me awesome and them whores
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
