I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
