I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize