Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
