just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
