I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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