My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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