The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize