Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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