is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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