I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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