Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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