I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
