He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
