I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize