I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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