So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
