oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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