Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
