i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
