I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
