if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
