Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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