if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sarcasm needs its own font
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
