are you still at the devil's house?
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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