Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
