You're my little dorito
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
