something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize