is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
