You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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