honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
no, he came in my armpit
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
