When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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