Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
