I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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