Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
