Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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