4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
