yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize