Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
