there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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