I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
