I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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