Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
