I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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