Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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