The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm really busy with my period
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