Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
