would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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