covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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