im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
