Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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