Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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