would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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