4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
