we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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