ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize