he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
