So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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