i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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