Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
