That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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