My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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