Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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