Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
