Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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