At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
