Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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