Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
