Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
