oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
