my soul wont recognize me after tonight
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
