omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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