They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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