Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
