Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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