The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
