I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
