Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
