Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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