I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
