I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
