I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
